My {Silent} Secret

I had to write this post because I have been struggling and I've been keeping a secret that I feel needs to be let out. 

August 21st, 2012 I had a miscarriage. 

We hadn't announced being pregnant because it was early. I was 6 weeks pregnant when I lost the baby and it was overly devastating. I didn't understand and then I began suffering in silence. Yes my husband knew and yes some of our close family knew as well, but something just didn't feel right when other people didn't know around me. I felt like in my silence I was saying that sweet baby who grew inside of me for such a short time never existed. 

I went to Women's Retreat almost three weeks ago. I broke down. I realized how much I was hurting inside by keeping my miscarriage to myself. I began telling and the healing truly began then. That baby did exist. I had carried a miracle for 6 weeks and that baby is now in Jesus' arms. 

I want it to be known. It is now part of me. I miscarried. I know I am not alone and I want to let all women know that lose a baby that you are not alone. Do not suffer in silence, do not feel ashamed, do not blame yourself. 

People say that you can't love a child that has only just begun to grow inside of you. I loved that child and I still love that child. I will never know who that child truly was except for he or she grew inside of my body for a short time and that he or she is His. As soon as we knew we were pregnant my love for that baby began to blossom. I only know that my baby is with the Holy One. Whatever problems the baby had that caused my body to miscarry Jesus has healed and that baby is living with my Father in heaven. 

There's my secret. 

We are praying for a healthy pregnancy when God decides to bless us again, but that sweet baby will never be forgotten. 

8 comments

  1. You're right...you're not alone at all. I'm glad you shared! It's so hard to go through. I blogged about mine too if you'd like to read it.
    http://treeoflifenava.blogspot.com/2011/06/tree-of-life.html

    Praying for heaps of blessings!


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    1. Cristina,

      Thank you so much for sharing your blog post. I am so sorry that you had to go through so much pain, unknowns and waiting but your Lily is so precious! I am so happy that you were able to have a healthy pregnancy and add a beautiful baby girl to your family.

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  2. That baby is in the arms of Jesus. I can't imagine losing a child, no matter how small or young. I am so sorry, Shelby. I pray that God blesses and multiplies your family!

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  3. So sorry Shelby! My heart hurts for your loss.

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  4. I misscarried that same weekend, aug. 25th I was 9 weeks.... Im still struggling & am preparing for a D&C as of today. I choose to let my body {God} have control. I passed baby but today had my 3rd sonogram & my pregnancy is NOT all gone. :( I didnt really tell anyone. A few weeks prior, my girlfriend lost her baby at 22 weeks. Yes 22 weeks. She had full labor, had him cremated,.a funeral & her husband left her. :( I wasnt looking for sympathy~ but just needed to mourn. How could I, her poor Luke! :(
    Im sure all our babies are buddies & loving the streets of gold & big big yards (to play football). I tell myself DAILY, not my time, GODS time. Not my will, GODS will. Not my plan, GODS plan.

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    1. I am so sorry for your loss and the pain that you are having to go through. I can't imagine having to keep going for sonograms to check to make sure that I completely miscarried.
      How sad for your friend! That would be an extremely tough loss. I completely understand. Mourning is part of the process. We all have to accept the loss and understand that God has a plan for each one of us.
      I agree. All the children are probably playing with each other in Heaven. Such a wonderful picture!
      I am praying for you and your friend. May God bless you both with healthy pregnancies in your near future.

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