When Sleep Won't Come and Life Goes On

Fifty percent of the time when you ask me how I am my response will be tired. 

It's a typical mom response but it rings true because my daughter won't sleep. Sleep is constantly knocking on my door but I can't answer and let her in. Ugh. How I want to answer that door!

I read blog posts from other moms who describe their baby's sleep schedule which includes a full night's slumber plus two to three naps that are an hour or more in a day and I wonder what they do with all of that extra time... 

I'd like them to experience a day with my baby girl and her non existent sleep schedule plus throw in a hyped up toddler who won't nap and see how they fair but that would just be plain mean. So I won't. 

Example... it's past 4 o'clock in the afternoon and my 8 month old daughter has taken one nap that wasn't even an hour long and she woke up at 7:20 this morning. I currently have her sitting in her high chair eating puffs, my son is doing puzzles on the Kindle and I am taking some time to write a blog post for myself while possibly sneaking a few spoonfuls of Nutella. Just being real. 

It's not that I don't attempt to get her down for naps. Oh I do. How I do. We rock. We nurse. We rock and nurse at the same time. Milk shake anyone?


That was an attempt at a joke on a sleep deprived brain. 

You are welcome.

I've tried letting her cry. This mommy can't take it. Not even as tired as I am, I can't stand to listen to my girl in distress. 

Am I creating bad habits in her?

I honestly don't know, but I do know this...

Life goes on.

I can't stop time and I will never get this time in my life back. 

The days, the hours, the minutes, the seconds they don't wait on you or pause just because you are tired and worn. 

I continue to keep picking myself back up and doing the very best I can for my kids in this moment. It doesn't mean I am not tired. It's doesn't mean I'm not surviving on this morning's large cup of coffee. Sometimes I eat sugar just to get a little buzz off of it to create a little energy because even the after sugar crash can't cause me to be more tired than I am. True story. 

So when the sleep won't come and my baby refuses to take more than one nap in the day and sleep in our bed all night long getting up to play with my hair as she pleases, I'll take it. I may even smile through it and possibly give a few laughs because this life isn't going to stop because I am tired. 

One day I will wake up and wish I woke up tired. I will think back lovingly on the days that I woke up with my sweet baby girl cuddled up next to me while my right arm is tingling from being numb all night for fear of moving and waking up that precious child. 

That precious child will grow up. She won't sleep in my bed with me. She won't want to cuddle with her mom. She'll move away. 

I'll cry. 

I know I will. 

I know I will ask my husband thousands of times where did our babies go? 

And because life goes on, I will not wish away my current life full of middle of the night feedings, caffeine filled mornings, the dirty kitchen and backed up laundry due to having no energy to complete simple household tasks or nap times in which I spend hours getting her to lay down in her crib for a 30 minute slumber. 

Instead I will embrace it. 

Embrace the tiredness because in your life this time does not last long and it's a time that is full of so much happiness and joy that only motherhood provides. 

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