Because of Your Kids

Yesterday I posted on my Facebook an article expressing how we need to stop judging moms based on their abilities. Keeping a clean house, cooking food from scratch, being super crafty, the willingness to drop everything for friends and every single thing that women use to compare or mommy shame needs to stop. 

However have you ever felt mommy shamed or compared because of your kids?

Have you ever felt like people think you don't do enough because of your kids?

Have you ever been the one that talked about another mom behind her back because of her kids?

Have you ever been the one to judge a mom on what she is able to do because of her kids?

I'll first use myself as an example because I have felt mommy shamed. 

I can hardly volunteer for anything that has to do with putting my little girl in a nursery or bringing her with me. 

Remy is a free spirit in her energy. She does what she wants to, when she wants to. My mothering has been incredibly challenged by her fiery beauty. "No" doesn't mean "no" to her. Running away from her mom is a really fun challenge. Getting into things that could potentially harm her are some of the best games ever. 

Remy is also incredibly attached to me, more so than her brother ever was and he wouldn't even stay in the nursery until he turned 3. Yes, THREE. Remy isn't even 2 yet. I leave her somewhere and she screams and cries until I come back unless it's with family. It's exhausting and has broken me down several times. However, I have to admit I love that she is a mommy's girl. 

Oh and did we forget that I am nearing the end of a pregnancy?

I do not volunteer for anything in the church or participate in much besides remaining in the nursery for the majority of a church service with Remy since I cannot leave her. 

I do not help with meals. I do not participate in bible studies. I do not go to hardly anything. 

When things pop up for moms to do something during the day or at times when my husband has to work, I want to do them, but I honestly cannot leave my child. I honestly cannot take her either because it is more work than it is any kind of relief or "fun" for me. 

I have felt judged because of my kids. 

One day I will be able to volunteer. One day I will be able to participate. However, I don't want to feel judged and condemned because I choose the ministry of my own children at this current stage in my life. 

I have also judged. 

Well her kids are better behaved. They never act up. They love the nursery. They act like little perfect children. 

Yep. I've done it. I've said it.

Even though it was out of frustration because I become so weary in mind, body and spirit from my own children and desperately long for more connection, I still said it and I am guilty of mommy shame because of her kids

But you know what? 

Our kids are all different, just like we are all different. They are unique. They have their own strengths. They have their own weaknesses. They are the way they are for a reason. 

Here is the deal.

It is OKAY. 

God gave you your children for a reason. 

If other women judge you, leave it at that. 

Their own judgement. 

Do not let it get you down. Do not let it make you feel like you are not as good of a person. 

You are the woman God decided to give your children to. 

You are the woman God decided could parent, love and cherish the uniqueness in your children.

It makes me sad when I see so many women connecting and growing friendships in person at events that I have a hard time going to, but you know what? I am incredibly thankful for the few moms that I can send a "high-five" to via text. 

We aren't alone. 

We are in this together. 

This time shall pass and many will wish for it back. 

Do what you can mommas. 

Be who you are mommas. 

Don't let others get you down.

Everyone's motherhood journey is different. Everyone struggles with different aspects of motherhood. Everyone's kids are also very different and allow us a unique experience as a mom that only our own kids can give us. 

Embrace your motherhood journey because of your kids. 

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  1. Love this idea. It goes by so fast I constantly have to remind myself to not wish my life away by wishing for the we keen of wishing for bedtime already. Eventually they will be grown and being the amazing humans we've raised them to be but for now we will just be with them and mother them and give them everything we can.


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