When It's Your Last...

There she was. As perfect as any baby can be. Two months full of beautiful bliss and screaming matches until she would finally succumb to sleep. I kissed her soft head full of silky dark hair. I breathed her in and wanted to cry. 

I don't remember my older kids as babies anymore and I know that I will soon forget these precious moments too. It's not that the memories go away completely, but they fade as more recent, vibrant moments take over. 

It's hard when you are looking over your last baby. 

It's hard when you come to the realization that the smallness of your child will soon be overcome by chunky toddler thighs and an adorable sweet voice that screams no! at you . 

It's hard when you finally know that this will be the last baby to snuggle and to gaze upon as she sleeps peacefully in the middle of your bed. 

People will say you can have more babies. 

It's not that I can't. My body is capable but I also feel this overwhelming satisfaction that my body grew and birthed three beautiful babies. The satisfaction also comes with the sureness that my body has done what God created it to do. 

It is done. 

My job now is to raise the three children that have been so graciously given to my husband and I in the fullness of Christ. 

The fullness of Christ. All encompassing. All knowing. 

He is with us always. 

To raise my children in this mindset, to prepare them for this world full of sin that does it's very best to draw you in...that is a much more difficult task than growing and birthing babies. 

Birth is hard. It takes a toll on your body. It only lasts a little while. 

Raising children is hard. It takes a toll on your body, your mind, your soul. Forever. 

As I gaze over my sweet baby girl's perfectness knowing that the world will taint that pureness I also know that if I do my mothering to the best of my ability she will always be perfect washed in the blood of Christ. 

I wonder who she is going to be. I wonder how God is using me to equip her so she can live for Him. I wonder what greatness lies ahead. I wonder how God is going to shine through my last child just as I wonder how He will shine through my first and my second. 

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven. Matthew 5:16

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