Worth the Effort: An Open Apology to my Husband


This weekend was Valentine's day and I will happily admit that I am a romantic at heart. I was the girl growing up that read the romances and gushed at all the over the top, gag-worthy moments where men would proclaim their undying affection and lay themselves down at the feet of a girl who was so flustered at the overwhelming gesture.

I wanted to be that girl. 

You can say you never wanted to be that girl but I would probably doubt you. 

Here's the thing though...no one ever tells you that those gestures, while not unrealistic, may not happen. 

I want the flowers. I want the romantic meals. I want the gift purchased that actually means something. Something you can tell that he listened to you, stalked your social media accounts and took the time to purchase it just for you. 

It's not necessarily the gift itself but it's the process leading up to the gift. It makes you feel worth it. 

Worth the effort.

I'll admit that I was disappointed this weekend and it simply wasn't fair to my husband. 

I set up these expectations in my head thinking back to the days when I had time to read romantic novels. 

I focus on the idea that he may actually surprise me this year with something that he's been hiding. 

Then the day comes. 

I make myself mad. 

Oh I get so frustrated! 

I think to myself that it's one day a year. One single day. 

We don't do gifts. 

We decided to give that up when we became parents because financially it's just best for us to focus on the kids. 

But I still think he'll surprise me.

It continues on in this unfair pattern where my husband is punished by me for simply being himself. 

Meaning: He's not a romantic. 

I go 'round and 'round in my head making everyone around me crazy because they have to put up with my crazy self. 

Then I finally decide to breathe. To take a long pause. 

Worth the effort. Worth the effort. 

Did you know that my husband and I are 9 years apart? 

Nine years. 

We agree on a lot of things but music is not one of them and that is all due to those nine years. 

Do you know what happened in those nine years?

Well...for one, I grew up but more importantly he waited and he prayed. 

He prayed for me. 

Prayed for the day that I would show up in his life. 

Prayed for the day that he would meet this woman that God was preparing for him. 

He didn't know we'd type out our first words to each other or that the first time we'd meet in person would be outside of a tattoo shop or that the second time we'd have the chance to be together he'd watch me fall through a frozen pond. 

He didn't know that the soul he'd fall for would be battered and bruised and that his prayerful nature and gentle heart would mend this woman God had saved for him and give her smile back brighter than she'd smiled before.  

He didn't know that those nine years he had been waiting simply gave time for this woman that God was preparing for him to grow up and be at a point in her life that she believed she could be enough for someone.

The truth is I know I have been worth the effort. 

Worth the effort of his daily life for many years. 

Worth the effort to pray for me before he met me, before he knew me, before he realized that I was the one. 

Worth the effort to wash the dishes every night, allow me to binge watch Gilmore Girls, Parenthood or whatever my current obsession is, push me out the door to Zumba, support me in my writing and my Young Living business, bring me home a Cafe Caramel from the coffee shop if I would just ask and so much more. 

This man that I married...he's not about Valentine's. He's about the every day. 

And I truly love that this man who loves me is about the every day. 

And this woman who is a romantic at heart and who was disappointed on Valentine's day is truly sorry that she decided to focus on one day of the year when in her heart she deeply loves that man who focuses on the every day. 

I have never doubted your love. I have never doubted your commitment. I have never doubted how much you care for me. 

Be the every day man because every day you make me feel worth the effort. 


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