Where My Worth is Found


Maybe you've seen the meme going around about being able to ditch the summer bikini body for the fall sweater body.

I laughed.

I thought to myself...YES! I love the warm sweater look that hides the extra 10 pounds you gain from the amazing fall and winter comfort food.

And then...I went shopping.

I've been struggling with the last 10 pounds from my youngest who is now 16 months old. It is all focused on my tummy, hips and booty. It's just stuck there.

I thought I may lose some when I started exercising a little more consistently. I lost some...in the bra region! Seriously, my cup size is smaller than I remember it being in 8th grade.

We went to Marshall's, one of my favorite places to shop for my closet and I saw them. Two pairs of amazing skinny pants that had stretchy waistbands.

They pretty much screamed at me that they would go with the sweater body perfectly this year especially with those stretchy waistbands.

Except, they lied.

I took them to the dressing room with my three year old in tow.

I was already picturing the pretty rust colored skinny pants with the amazing price tag of $14.99 paired with a brown sweater I had at home.

I began to shimmy them up the "thighs made by kids" I now possess.

"Those look good momma!" My three year old exclaimed.

"Remy...I haven't even gotten them up over my booty yet." I mumbled back a little concerned that I wasn't going to be able to get the size Large over my hips.

"They still look good. You could wear them like that." She replied innocently.

In her defense, she goes pantless most of the time at home.

I didn't think that was probably a good idea for me even though I am sure my husband would love to argue with me on that.

They didn't pull up. They were not slipping up over the booty.

You all...there was not a size bigger in these pants.

My rust colored pants dreams were quickly whisked away from me.

That "sweater body" I was so excited for quickly made me realize that the "skinny pant" body that goes along with that "sweater body" was not to be found on my momma frame.

At least not that day.

The "Fall Sweater body" quickly failed me as did the idea of a "Summer Bikini body".

Why?

Because I put my expectations, my self worth in a place controlled by people around me. By the idea of a what a bikini body or a sweater body is suppose to look like.

Do I want to lose the 10 pounds?

Yes, of course.

Should I dwell on the fact that I haven't been able to shed those 10 pounds?

No, I should not.

My self worth is not determined by the fact that I couldn't shimmy my way into a size Large skinny pant.

My self worth is found in the One who gifted me with the ability to carry and birth 3 babies that widened those hips that worked really hard to wiggle into those pants.

Let us not forget who we are in the One who created us. Who designed us. Who finds us worthy in the midst of our brokenness and selfishness.

I am worthy with an extra 10 pounds.

I am worthy without the extra 10 pounds.

My worthiness is not found on the scales, on the tag with the sizes or anything that glimpses at a number.

My worthiness is found in Him.

We get lost in our ideas of self worth, in materialism, in the world. We allow it to consume us. It is a way that the devil creeps in and allows us to be distracted.

What are you missing by being consumed by numbers? By a scale? By a pant size?

Do you dwell in a place of unhappiness because you don't feel you are worthy because of your body?

God loves you.

All of you.

Am I going to work to try to lose those 10 pounds?

Yes, because I care about my health.

Am I going to dwell on those 10 pounds and allow the devil to distract me from all the good that God has given me? From all the goodness I can share with others?

No. I won't waste a single moment sulking and missing the life that God has so graciously poured out to me.

Grace upon grace upon grace.

I am going to give myself all of the grace in this area of my life because I want to be able to give grace and love and kindness and all things good to those around me. If I am self focused on something that allows me to be consumed by this world (dang you skinny pants!) then I am taking away the ability for God to use me for His good.

Go out and spread His goodness.

If the pants bother you...wear leggings.

But seriously.

Bless the leggings.



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